Unit 2 Discussion 2
10-18-2017
From: Miss. Bayo Elizabeth Cary, AA, BA, MLIS
Unit 2 Discussion 2:
Assignment: Based on the Radical Rewrite: Watch Your Tone! (Guffey & Loewy, 2016, p. 58), review the scenario and provide at least five specific writing errors. Include examples:
Radical Re-writes: Basic Guidelines:
"How can you make this message more courteous, positive, and precise? In addition, think about using familiar words and developing the 'you' view" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58).
Your tone of voice-either: positively or negatively, effects-how your messages are received. When communications, are: abrupt, truncated, emphatic, understated, etc.-and that is not the clear intention, of the writing-then, the intended reader, will not get your message. Tone of voice, encompasses, more-than just, a consideration, as to: how you are communicating, and who your intended audience is. The tone of voice chosen, communicates the formal professional nature, of your information, as well as-the respect and understanding that you have, for the subject matter, that you are attempting, to address.
5 Specific Writing Errors from Radical Re-write Example:
1) There are syntactical errors, in almost every sentence-commas, are completely obsolete.
Ex: "Once again I have the decidedly unpleasant task of reminding all employees that you may NOT utilize company computers or the Internet other than for work-related business and essential personal messages" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58). The sentence requires more punctuation-commas, or it reads like a run-on sentence.
2) The tone, is too informal, the manager addresses the professional adult employees, as: "boys and girls.
Ex: "Our guys in IT tell me that our bandwidth is now seriously compromised by some of you boys and girls who are using company computers for Facebooking, blogging, shopping, chatting, gaming, and downloading streaming video" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, 58). Office communications require a professional respectful, and formal tone.
3) The author is irritated, by the use of company computers, for personal needs, during business time-however, the expression-should be more formalized, and less colloquial. The voice, that management is communicating to staff with, should be less emphatic, and focus more on the consequences of the irresponsible use of company Internet and email.
Ex: "We don’t want to prohibit the personal use of e-mail entirely. Don’t make me do this" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58)! Office communications, need to clearly communicate, without distracting from the message, with emotive expressions-that could adversely distract, from the intended message.
4) When referring to a prior distribution of information, and memos to employees, specific information, referring to dates, and exact content-need to be clearly stated, and referred to, for an informative reference point, that is meaningful-and not too general.
Ex: We distributed an e-mail policy a little while ago (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58) Specific times, dates, and forms-need to be referenced, when referring, to prior communications.
5) The memo, should be revised, in the style, in which the information is presented. The writing is crowded, and the main points are hidden. A clear title. A clearly stated problem. Then a bulleted list-to provide an easy reference, to the consequences-that will follow for employees, who refuse to abide by a strict: "Work Only" environment-at the office. A clear conclusion, with a reference to the new: policy and contract regarding: Internet and email use, at the office, that must be signed, and-by what date, and-where the signed agreement, should be submitted to management.
Ex: The overall aesthtic presentation of the office memo, needs to be revised, soo that the information is less crowded, and easier to peruse, and comprehend quickly.
Reference
Guffey, Mary E.& Loewy, Dana. (2016). Essentials of Business Communication, 10th Edition. Cengage Learning, 20150101. VitalBook file.
From: Miss. Bayo Elizabeth Cary, AA, BA, MLIS
Unit 2 Discussion 2:
Assignment: Based on the Radical Rewrite: Watch Your Tone! (Guffey & Loewy, 2016, p. 58), review the scenario and provide at least five specific writing errors. Include examples:
Radical Re-writes: Basic Guidelines:
"How can you make this message more courteous, positive, and precise? In addition, think about using familiar words and developing the 'you' view" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58).
Your tone of voice-either: positively or negatively, effects-how your messages are received. When communications, are: abrupt, truncated, emphatic, understated, etc.-and that is not the clear intention, of the writing-then, the intended reader, will not get your message. Tone of voice, encompasses, more-than just, a consideration, as to: how you are communicating, and who your intended audience is. The tone of voice chosen, communicates the formal professional nature, of your information, as well as-the respect and understanding that you have, for the subject matter, that you are attempting, to address.
5 Specific Writing Errors from Radical Re-write Example:
1) There are syntactical errors, in almost every sentence-commas, are completely obsolete.
Ex: "Once again I have the decidedly unpleasant task of reminding all employees that you may NOT utilize company computers or the Internet other than for work-related business and essential personal messages" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58). The sentence requires more punctuation-commas, or it reads like a run-on sentence.
2) The tone, is too informal, the manager addresses the professional adult employees, as: "boys and girls.
Ex: "Our guys in IT tell me that our bandwidth is now seriously compromised by some of you boys and girls who are using company computers for Facebooking, blogging, shopping, chatting, gaming, and downloading streaming video" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, 58). Office communications require a professional respectful, and formal tone.
3) The author is irritated, by the use of company computers, for personal needs, during business time-however, the expression-should be more formalized, and less colloquial. The voice, that management is communicating to staff with, should be less emphatic, and focus more on the consequences of the irresponsible use of company Internet and email.
Ex: "We don’t want to prohibit the personal use of e-mail entirely. Don’t make me do this" (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58)! Office communications, need to clearly communicate, without distracting from the message, with emotive expressions-that could adversely distract, from the intended message.
4) When referring to a prior distribution of information, and memos to employees, specific information, referring to dates, and exact content-need to be clearly stated, and referred to, for an informative reference point, that is meaningful-and not too general.
Ex: We distributed an e-mail policy a little while ago (Guffey& Loewy, 2016, p. 58) Specific times, dates, and forms-need to be referenced, when referring, to prior communications.
5) The memo, should be revised, in the style, in which the information is presented. The writing is crowded, and the main points are hidden. A clear title. A clearly stated problem. Then a bulleted list-to provide an easy reference, to the consequences-that will follow for employees, who refuse to abide by a strict: "Work Only" environment-at the office. A clear conclusion, with a reference to the new: policy and contract regarding: Internet and email use, at the office, that must be signed, and-by what date, and-where the signed agreement, should be submitted to management.
Ex: The overall aesthtic presentation of the office memo, needs to be revised, soo that the information is less crowded, and easier to peruse, and comprehend quickly.
Reference
Guffey, Mary E.& Loewy, Dana. (2016). Essentials of Business Communication, 10th Edition. Cengage Learning, 20150101. VitalBook file.
Comments
Post a Comment